The social system we live in predisposes us to fail unless we are somehow a bug in it or manage to infiltrate its defenses. This is, apparently, not as easy as it seems since there are countless guides and life-coaching courses available, yet on average, people are still failing. You might acquire new knowledge, develop new skills, or follow many life-enhancing techniques that you may have discovered, but you won’t reach your goals.

Here’s what’s really stopping you:

Education system

We live in a modern society which searches for uniqueness and stimulates diversity, yet uses a one-size-fits-all approach and an educational model created for the Industrial Age. People are being assessed on their ability to memorize, where in real life you only need to know how to search information online. Even in the subjects more inclined towards problem-solving you have to reach the predetermined “right” conclusion using only one or two methods you’ve been taught.

There’s no room for creativity, critical thinking or some kind thinking at all.

Throughout all your academic live, you’ll be given educational materials, and you’ll have to take a test based on them. There’s no stimulation of one of the vital skills people need today – the ability to self-educate themselves in a world that is constantly changing, meaning the knowledge and expertise you require changes.

When you leave the educational system, there’s no one to give you study materials. On average, people simply stop educating themselves shortly after. You are already in real life, so, as the system taught you, there’s no need to study as there’re no tests to pass. Thus in a few years, your expertise just becomes irrelevant, and gaps start appearing.

You are taught all about biology and math, but your social knowledge and skills have been left to the odds.

I’ve seen countless well-educated people who fail on a daily basis just because they have no idea how to search for a job, how to write their motivation letter, what to put in their CV, how to build a relationship or simply how to communicate. It doesn’t matter if you are a know-it-all in a particular field if you can’t present yourself to anyone.

Life is all about venturing and succeeding means making the right mistake.

But how can you do this with an education system that treats trying as an ultimate Failure? You can be great at math, but you’re not stimulated to develop broader expertise, one outside of the must-be-learned material. Once you try a new method and fail – you get a bad test score, and we all know where this leads to.

Politicians, influencers, business professionals, celebrities and societies all speak about diversity.

But in school, the next Leonardo DiCaprio is expected to be a math genius, literature critic and scientific miracle that takes acting as an extracurricular activity. Otherwise, he will be marked as a failure.

With all these problems at hand, education fails to answer the needs of today’s society. Companies are training their employees as soon as they hire them. The only way to escape this system without killing the skills, abilities, and mindset that will help you in real life is to preserve your critical thinking and just write down whatever is required of you, not what you think.

Security

The road to reaching your dreams goes through chasing them. People know this, but they somehow tend to forget it and in crucial decision-making moments lean on all the excuses that come with preserving their Safe Haven.

There’re always things at stake. To have one thing you must put another on the line. But being brave and authentic to the very core has nothing to do with feeling comfortable. Have you seen people who found their biggest passion? They’re great at it, you can experience the impact, but suddenly they decide not to pursue it. They aim for a more secure, well-paid option. They just do not believe. These people fail because they choose to, so they can feel a bit safer for the future. But feeling and being are two different things. You’ll know what failure feels like once you wake up realizing you took a well-paying, energy-sucking kind of job where you’ll always be a middle ground employee.

People do everything in their power to not meet pressure face to face but have you seen a successful person? They’re like work machines, aren’t they? It seems like twenty-four hours can’t gather everything they do in a workday. Pressure actually boosts you, it gives you a damn good reason to do something as soon as possible, and at the end, you get extreme satisfaction from overcoming obstacles. Achieving a small goal today is the best stepping stone for tomorrow’s big one.

People will go to extreme lengths just to feel a bit more secure in the uncertain world we live in. But just think about the person you want to be for a while. Would they run from an opportunity just so they don’t risk something? I don’t think so. Remember who you want to be and start being this person. Start acting like them. Believe in your goals; otherwise, there’s no point in having them.

Fitting in

People have this desperate need to be accepted, cherished and loved. What they fail to realize is that those things are a need of the person who they are, not the one they are pretending to be. They crave to belong, not to fit in.

Do you know the type of people that everyone calls when they have a problem? They’re always there, ready to help, no matter the cost. I used to be one of those people. I just realized you couldn’t help others without helping yourself first. You can only love a person as much as you love yourself. These statements are not some mantras; they’re the psychological truth. Try ignoring it and life will take you back to the same lesson until you learn it. Helping someone must never be at the cost of damaging yourself. This means that if you have work and someone needs your urgent help with shopping, don’t be afraid to give them your definite “No”, no matter who they are. If you really belong with them, you wouldn’t need to bend the universe to fit in their checklist.

Another common mistake is made primarily by people who are establishing their position on the market –they are in search of a job, their business is yet relatively small, or they are in a desperate need for more clients. I’ve seen anything in this case – dropping prices far below the minimum, taking an unpaid internship opportunity, working on projects they do not believe in. I can’t stress this enough, but getting to your dreams means fighting for what you believe in and taking the road to there. Forget the myth about buying an apple and making millions out of it. In real life, people won’t value you if you don’t know how much you are worth.

Thousands of times I’ve heard the complaint that everything is about who you know. Yes, it is. That’s how things work. But relations are built. Assuming everyone outside of your inner circle is part of a system you don’t belong to is not only wrong but won’t help you get anywhere. Networking is vital; you just have to find your type of people, the one who’ll boost and inspire you and in real life. You can meet those individuals anywhere as long as you are open to others.

Just be who you are, if you want the world to let you shine, you have to first show your glimmer. Don’t try to change yourself just to fit in somewhere. You have to find a place where you belong, where you are appreciated because of your authenticity, not despite it. The worst gift you can give yourself is a golden cage!

Family

The surest way to fail is if your relatives drag you there. There's a countless number of parents whose kids grow under a protective dome. These children experience the real world only when mommy or daddy decides to let them. They miss their heartbreaks, failures, and disappointments. They grow unprepared for life without parents, and the world swallows them in and spits them out once they step in it.

We know everyone is different, yet families tend to project their dreams on their future heirs. People assume that once a child comes from them, it’s a mirror image who shouldn’t make their own choices and mistakes but be guided by parents towards some great place. The only problem is that kids might not be as happy as you think once they get there. It might not be their palace of dreams. Their passions, interests, and choices differ from yours, even if it is by bits. They need their own goals and achievements.

Don’t let anyone drag you somewhere you don’t feel like belonging. No matter if it’s your family, friends or spouse. Because the only place you will feel happy at is the one YOU crave for.

The long wait

“People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer and all life for happiness”. Don’t be on the waitlist. You either jump in life and try your best no matter the odds, or you don’t try at all. The “right moment” doesn’t exist. There will always be an obstacle that’s stopping you from chasing success. You have to start the marathon towards a better place right now and figure how to jump over stumbling blocks along the way.

Let me tell you another thing. Even if you find your biggest passion and decide to pursue it, not every day is going to be sunny. You won’t always have the desire to do one hundred things per day. Motivation is b*llsh*t. It comes and goes. The trick is to start I think. It usually takes me a while to begin writing every day. I drink coffee, wander around the office, smoke, browse Facebook. There’s always something else to do that sounds quite more right to our brains. We are wired to avoid stress. That’s like the security mechanism of our minds. But you have to start. Just burrow your head in work, and you’ll slowly begin to float. After a while, you will be swimming, headed towards another goal without even realizing it. But don’t wait for the miraculous desire to work to always be there when you need it. Sometimes you have to kick yourself in the b*tt for passion to come bursting with motivation.

And that’s why you are a predetermined failure. Because this is not a race against the most successful; this is a marathon, and your primary obstacle is your mind and the limits it puts. There’s a way to break this barrier. You only need to continue this article yourself!

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