Although most people probably won’t find themselves getting into an argument with a kangaroo anytime soon, you never know what life might throw at you. Better to be prepared than not, if nothing else you’ll have some wacky stories to share at the dinner table.
Follow great white shark’s social norms
You know how you were taught to always chew with your mouth closed and say thank you and please?
Well, it seems shark mommies also teach their pups etiquette — albeit a little cruder etiquette than ours. For example, turning your back on a shark seems to be a no go, so if you don’t want to be lunch, I’d advise swallowing your fear and staring it straight in the eye. Breaking off an interaction with a shark also seems to be a sign of disrespect, so if you’re a diver you’re just going to have to bury that primal urge to go running into the sunset like Jack Sparrow being bitten by a colony of fire ants.
Use Bear Repellent
Yes, shockingly it is a thing. Yes, sometimes it actually does work. Though if it doesn’t, the short-range nature of this particular product makes survival a little less than likely.
Essentially, bear spray is just pepper spray on steroids. It relies on the active ingredient in chilies, capsaicin, to momentarily blind your attacker. The problem is, manufacturers advise using it only during defensive charges. I don’t know about you, but my knowledge of bear behavior is a bit rusty. In the case of failure, the only real option is Run like you have a hive of killer bees after you (or in this case a bear), and find shelter. In the case of success — still, run. Three out of 20 successful escapes, in the wild, still had the bear running back for more.
Retreat, but only side-ways- or grunt
Kangaroos could be described as deer raptors, they certainly fit the reference. Though usually tranquil, they can attack when they feel threatened, in which case you want to turn, to the side, and slowly walk away.
Under no circumstances are you to turn your back to the kangaroo, as it will take this as running away and proceed to hop after you while simultaneously kicking, and clawing at you — not anyone's cup of tea. If a male is exhibiting dominant behavior (have fun distinguishing that from their normal violent behavior), you are supposed to swallow your pride and try and present yourself as the squishy, unthreatening piece of flesh that we humans are. Also, you are to release a low grunt, as this is, supposedly, a sign of submission.
Talk to a moose in a reassuring voice
If you encounter a moose who seems to have it out for you, your first move should be to run. Unlike other animals, moose aren’t very effective long-distance runners, so this is your best bet.
If, like the moose, you aren’t the greatest of runners, you should slowly back away, with your hands up, as if surrendering. Whilst backing up you should speak to it in a soft and soothing voice (heck maybe sing it a lullaby), according to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game this is an effective way to evade a moose attack.
Play dead
If you encounter an ostrich you should avoid your instincts and refrain from running. Similar to the kangaroo, this giant bird, with razor sharp claws, will take this as its queue to chase you and kick you from behind. So, running is not a viable option. Your second thought might be to try and fight it off, but this is also a rather poor choice as it puts you right in the line-of-fire of the aforementioned daggers attached to its feet. The most successful option seems to be to curl up in the fetal position, protect your head, and pray that the ostrich chases your friend who didn’t read this article.