Since it’s National Pig Day, (and we love animals!) I thought we’d talk about "Black Mirror," the show that has ruined my life along with the life of the country. Besides having an episode that is literally and probably accidentally about Donald Trump (The Waldo Moment,) and an episode about the horrifying implications of gaming technology (Playtest,) there is one episode that sticks in everyone’s mind called “The Prime Minister.” No one who has seen that episode can forget it, as it features the Prime Minister of Britain having (or as Bill Clinton would put it, not having) sexual relations with a pig.

Now that that regrettable image is in your brain (more so if you’ve seen the episode,) let me allay your fears and tell you why that wouldn’t happen.

It would be nigh impossible to kidnap a princess like that

I know it doesn’t seem like it when you see them free balling on TV, but politicians and their families are armed to the teeth at all times. As the website Mirror puts it, “The prime minister is flanked by a team of highly trained close protection officers from the Metropolitan police and UK Special Forces. Members of the Prime Minister's protection unit can earn as much as £100,000 a year when lucrative overtime is factored in.” First, those guys do not get paid that much for no reason.

Second, while it may be even harder to stop things like close up assassination attempts (and they’re pretty good at that too) it would be impossible for a princess to be kidnapped, put in a truck of some kind and be taken to a secure location. Even if it were accomplished, there’s no way those special force guys aren’t kicking down the door to your bunker the second you get in.

It would be too destabilizing for a leader of a G20 nation to do that

Even if someone pulled off this near-impossible feat, there is absolutely no way that the prime minister would do that on live television, and it’s not because of pride. The political chaos and fallout that would come from the highest ranking member of one of the most powerful nations on earth committing that act would be catastrophic.

We often forget that the Prime Minister is not only a celebrity that gives late-night interviews, even though that’s a part of his job. He is a legislator, commander-in-chief, and chief diplomat. The words that come out of his mouth literally affect the stock market. Nothing suggests that anyone in that administration would think that was a just price to pay for getting the princess back, and no administration would make that call, or allow the Prime Minister to do so.

Relax

So, in honor of National Pig Day, just know that regardless of this crazy world we live in where things happen outside of our control and things happen that we might not expect, you will most likely never in 10,000 years see your Prime Minister with a pig to save someone’s life.

Happy Pig Day!

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