Marcell Dareus was traded to the Jaguars from the Bills. He said that he was in shock over it, and I am laughing hysterically at how out of touch with reality this man sounds. I want to take you through the stages of reality in this Trade, and I want you to laugh along with me as we examine the trade of a player who clearly has no idea how real people in the real world live. This guy is not as smart as he is trying to make himself out to be, and he is insulting our intelligence at the same time.
You get to move to Florida!
Marcell Dareus gets to move to Florida, and he has got to be the first person who did not want to go there.
I know he is going to be super disappointed about those cheap annual passes to Disney World, and I know that living on the coast in a town like Jacksonville is going to be such a bummer for him. Marcell, if you are reading this, I promise that you will be okay living in a place where it is warm all the time. It is going to be so hard for you to live in the beach house that you can afford with the millions of dollars you have made, but I think that you will survive.
You get to leave Buffalo
People who live in Buffalo do not get enough sunlight. This is an actual disorder called SAD. Seasonal Affective Disorder is where you do not get enough sunlight, and that lack of sunlight makes you feel dreary and depressed.
You might be more and more depressed every year, because the sunlight issue is a problem every winter. It has to be really hard for the Bills to get anything done with this issue hanging over their heads, and yet this guy wants to pretend like he wants to stay there. Are you really shocked when you have to move to Jacksonville, or are you lying so the people in Buffalo feel better?
Stop being a liar
Marcell is a bad liar among the worst of liars, and he is lying to all of us in pretending that he actually wants to stay with a worse team, in a worse situation, in a worse place to live. If you give people the chance to live in Florida, they are going to take it. Add to that the fact that this guy is filthy rich, and he can have a great life in Florida.
He needs to come out and be honest. He needs to say that he is having a beach party. He needs to say that it is going to be a party every day because we know that is what is going to happen. The trade to the Jaguars is the best thing that ever happened to Dareus, and he is pretending to shirk it. This is what rich people do. They pretend to be like you and me, but they are not. Get in touch with reality, Marcell.
