The second you get asked out on a date your brain goes into "Dating mode". It starts to automatically determine your clothes, shoes, hairstyle, and how late should you be. Is 15 minutes fashionably late or just late? After your appearance hides anything you would not want a prospective future husband/wife to know early on, and you have absorbed all the advice the wisdom internet articles have to offer (oh the irony?!), you are set to go.
Bear through the vacuum metaphor
Now imagine if you are buying a vacuum. The advertisement declared the vacuum was efficient, long-lasting, and there was no chance of it malfunctioning.
At first, the vacuum was holding up to its expectations and was as it seemed. It was perfect. However, after a few months, there were some problems. The vacuum was not always fast, it released dust on occasion, or refused to even turn on without a couple of tries. The vacuum was not perfect after all.
This is exactly what most people do on dates. You put on a mask and expect for them to like you for who you are, not the flawless advertisement you just presented to them. By putting on a mask, I do not mean you alter your entire personality and pretend to be a spy that has saved the world at least 3 times; I mean that you hide the real you until you feel comfortable enough to express it.
At first, you do not want to reveal your true sense of humor because it can be considered stupid; you do not want to say your fears, insecurities, and ambitions because they might judge you for them; you do not want to show your real you because it is easier to get rejected for someone you are not, rather them not accepting the face behind the mask.
Advertising versus The Truth
Let's for a moment, go along with the advertising strategy. This method will get you through the first weeks of dating, even through the first months of the relationship, but wouldn't it be exhausting to pretend for 6 months you like climbing when you are more of an "indoor activities" kind of person?
We create an image of ourselves with no apparent flaws, bad habits, or characteristics that can be considered unpleasant in any way, and we are surprised when people turn out to be not who they claimed to.
We tend to start revealing the things we would never admit in a first date, later on during the relationship by justifying it with the previous absence of comfort.
However, it is not pleasant to discover that your apparent aloof date needs to be texted back immediately due to her need for constant attention. Or when the couple activities you do start to seem boring and a drag because both partners lied about their preferences to seem more interesting. Under any circumstance it is not normal to reveal secrets, deep fears, or one's worst qualities; however, one should not tell white lies either.
The reason why this happens is to impress one's date. A first date is treated as an interview, where lying at the right amount on your resume will get you the vacant job position. Actually, it might, but the problem will arise if you intend to keep it. A lot of long-term Relationships dissolve in the end because the couple decided it was okay to reveal their contrasting opinions and flaws gradually until they became too much to handle.
One should not have to pretend to be a fan of the fine arts, more casual than they really are, or restrained in all directions in order no to scare off the other partner. Dating is about finding someone, whose company will be very difficult to live without someday, and not about proudly claiming you were on seven dates within a week. You might be saddened by the reduced amount of second dates, but will maybe be grateful for the thousands of dates with that special someone. With that special someone that liked you for you, and not the advertisement you claimed to be.
It is easy to be swooned over those perfect love stories that even celebrities might have; however, we should accept the reality that since we are not perfect, we should not expect others to be perfect either.
