So let's get real for a second. There is only one true way to completely change anything. That is to change your self-talk.
I can promise you that this method works and is not just some writer's form of a self-help article or part of a book, much like the one written about here https://us.blastingnews.com/lifestyle/2017/01/happiness-reached-in-100-days-or-less-says-self-improvement-book-001406027.html.
However, you may notice similar themes. I will get to that in a moment...
What is self-talk?
Self-talk is the conversation you have with yourself every single day, as the day goes on, and you may not even realize the dialogue you are having within your mind actually affects your day to day life, your outlook on life, and essentially how well life goes for you.
The more positive your self-talk is, the more confident you will be and the more you will accomplish. Sounds completely simple, to the point where it is too good to be true, right?
That is where this gets tricky. Thinking about changing your inner dialogue seems like a simple task. You think "So I will get up in the morning and look in the mirror, tell myself I am beautiful, strong, smart and can accomplish anything and then go on with my day being positive!" However, it takes a lot more than that.
You have begun your day. You woke up, looked in the mirror, gave yourself some positive affirmations to begin the day and you are off! Today should go amazingly! You get to your car, realize you forgot your keys on the kitchen table, and the first thing you think to yourself is "Crap!
Why can't I remember anything?!" You have now failed at positive self-talk and you haven't even left your driveway yet.
You remind yourself that you are trying to be more positive so you redirect your self-talk. This is something you may find yourself doing quite often at the beginning and it is extremely important in re-programming your brain.
Think of your brain as a computer. For years, the media, your family, your peers, and even you, yourself, have been programming this computer with everything you believe, think and feel about you. Every time someone told you that you did well at something, your brain was programmed to believe that. Awesome right? The issue is that every time someone told you that you did not do well at something, your brain has secretly been programmed to believe you are no good at this task.
This is what you need To Change. You need to tell yourself you can do anything, be anything and everything can go well for you and it actually will.
So you get your keys off the kitchen table, you are back at your car, you finally get in and turn it on and leave, you are driving down the road and some jerk gets in your way and gives you the finger. Immediately, you think "Wow, this is awful! What a crap way to drive to work!" and you are now negative, without even realizing it. You need to catch yourself, take a second, realize what you are feeling, and remind yourself this is just one minute of your day and that you cannot let it affect the rest of your day, then move on and shrug it off.
Well, how exactly are you supposed to continue to do that all day long?
It seems extremely tiring and annoying, right? And it can be, I won't lie. It is a lot of work to continually have a positive outlook in life. However, after you work at it, it becomes automatic.
How to change your negative self talk to positive self talk
Luckily, several Doctors have studied positive self-talk and How To properly obtain and continue to obtain it. There are 4 key factors to completely changing your positive self-talk. As a graduate of the Social Service Worker program, I have been studying a common theme. They are as follows:
- Become Aware: In order to achieve positive self-talk, you first have to make note of your negative self-talk. What do you say to yourself on a daily basis that helps bring you down? Are there certain patterns and times that you specifically find yourself being way too hard on you?? Is there a pattern in what you say to yourself?? The best way to become aware is by keeping a self-talk journal. Seriously. Carry around a notebook on your person and whenever you find yourself thinking something negative, write it down quickly and the circumstances surrounding it. Soon, you will have full awareness of what you say to yourself, when and why. Read over this journal and understand it. Self-awareness is a key factor to being able to change. Take particular notice to the times you tell yourself the famous words "I can't."
- Positive Self-Affirmations: You just made note of every time you are negative now what do you do with this? Well, you take every negative thing you say about yourself and you replace it with something positive. For example, if you think "I can't ever face this fear!" then what you need to begin thinking is, "I will face this fear!" Then eventually you will muster up the courage and you will face it. It seems so overly simple and the theory is, it is committing to doing so that is the hard part. Also waking up every morning and looking in the mirror and saying some fabulous compliments to yourself is always a great way to start the day and begin the positive self-affirmation process. Say these things to yourself over and over and over again. The more you say them, the better. Say them aloud at first. After all, if you get caught talking to yourself, remind people you are boosting your brain power and changing your self-talk. (For more information please view this article https://us.blastingnews.com/tech/2017/05/talking-to-self-boosts-brain-power-not-a-sign-of-mental-illness-001690457.html) Even if you don't fully believe in what you are saying to yourself, try to convince yourself. You will believe them soon enough.
- Replace Negative Influences with Positive Ones: GET RID OF ALL THE NEGATIVITY IN YOUR LIFE. If you are surrounded by negativity, you will stay negative. Instead of surrounding yourself with negative people who have no goals and future dreams, start surrounding yourself with those who do and those who will help push you to be the best version of yourself. Especially if you are an Empath, you pick up on the energy of those around you. What that energy holds is extremely important and you want it to hold as much positivity as it can! So seriously, replace anyone negative in your life with someone positive. We are who our friends are. This can be scary. If we are in a lot of negative spaces, we are going to keep a negative frame of mind. Surround yourself in positivity everywhere. Remember you want to soak up as much positivity as you can while you are trying to be positive yourself.
- Focus on Enjoyable Moment: We are all blessed with tons of them! Make sure this is your focus in life. Take an extra moment to taste your coffee in the morning. Smell your child's hair when they wrap their arms around you for a hug and savior the moment. Hold your significant other's hand while watching a movie and remember how blessed you are to be with them (and hey, vice versa, am I right?). Take time to focus on the little things, they always bring us the greatest joy. Think of your body as a sponge for positivity that needs to soak up all the positive moments around it. These are them. Focus on them as often as you can. Just do it. It is much easier to be positive when you focus on all the positivity around you. Life is beautiful and we all have positive things to focus on. No matter what you are going through, you can always find something positive to focus on, I promise.
If you begin to focus on doing these four things, your life will drastically change. Again, I promise!
