As a parent, I am tired. So very, very tired. I am tired from lack of sleep, and from the lack of having enough alone time to recharge my batteries. I am tired of constantly trying to juggle work, family, and the endless daily tasks that make up my life. But mostly I am tired of trying to live up to the expectation of being the Perfect parent, because I'm not -- and neither are you. The day my daughter was born was the best day of my life, and I vowed to do everything in my power to keep her safe and secure in a world that can be so scary and unpredictable.
Little did I know that most of the scary and unpredictable things I would encounter would be in my own head.
Unrealistic expectations
Parenthood should be the most joyous experience that you could possibly have in life -- and for most of us it is. But for some people, it triggers unrealistic expectations of perfection that can never be satisfied. As a parent and recovering perfectionist, I struggle daily with trying to be the best parent I can be, while constantly trying to quiet the voices in my head that tell me I need to do better.
And the voices are unrelenting. They tell me that my daughter should be eating more vegetables and less ice cream, and that she should be socializing with other children more.
They tell me that she should be enrolled in swimming/karate/dancing/painting lessons. The voices scold me when I'm impatient with her, when I zone out and mentally review my to-do list while playing with her, and when I take an hour to go out alone in nature instead of spending time with her. The voices are loud, and they often keep me awake into the wee hours of the morning.
Good enough parent
I don't know about you, but I'm tired of listening to those voices. So please, join me in my efforts to lower the bar a bit and become what child psychologist Bruno Bettleheim referred to as "a good enough parent" instead of a perfect one. Because, as hard as it is to admit, children really are satisfied with the simple things in life.
It is the quiet moments you spend sitting and reading with them before bed, the time spent at the park, and the everyday cuddles that they remember. Children don't care if you are rich, cook every meal from scratch, or that you spend every waking second with them. In other words, children don't care if we are perfect Parents -- so why do we?
In fact, in the majority of cases, most parents are indeed good enough. Aside from the horrible cases of child abuse we hear about in the news, most of us really do deserve a pat on the back. But some of us could do a whole lot better. I was reminded of this recently when I witnessed an angry mother loudly and harshly scolding her two small toddlers on a public street.
It was disturbing enough that people around her, including myself, literally stopped and stared, not quite believing what we were seeing. The incident brought tears to my eyes and stayed with me for days. I went home that night and hugged my daughter as tightly as I possibly could. As imperfect as I am, I would never talk to my child that way, and it saddened me to think of the many children who are not so fortunate.
So my final words of wisdom are this: If you ever have to ask yourself if you are a good enough parent, then you are -- because a bad parent wouldn't care enough to ask.
