Barbecue season is just around the corner. However, whether one is smoking a pork butt or brisket with a nice dry rub or grilling slices of zucchini and eggplant brushed with olive oil, garlic, and rosemary, anyone who eats anything will be perpetuating either “white masculinity” in the case of veggies or “Toxic Masculinity” in the case of meat. Apparently, the only way one can avoid doing these horrible things is to try to live on water and sunshine.

Male vegetarians and vegans are horrible and rational people

First up, we have a study by Mari Mycek, a doctoral candidate at North Carolina State University, which concludes that the choice to remain meatless perpetuates “white masculinity.

” Mycek bases her conclusion on interviews with 20 male vegans who based their diet on “rational” choices. I.e., they think that going meatless is good for one’s diet or for the environment. Since appeals to reason and science are traits most associated with white Men, rather than women or people of color, Mycek draws her conclusions.

Leaving aside the sexist and racist assumption that only white men can be rational, one wonders what kind of conclusions can be drawn from such a small, exclusive group. Where are the control groups of women, nonwhites, and meat eaters? Though Mycek can be given props for outside the box thinking, vegans and vegetarians have always suffered from the stereotype of being slightly demented, so one might approve of them being accused of being rational.

Meat eaters are evil too

Not surprising to anyone who has followed academic nonsense, a number of studies suggest that the eating of meat contributes to something called “toxic masculinity.” One supposes that masculinity, of the toxic kind, is not the sort of thing that motivates men to charge into burning buildings to save children or explore space, but rather do bad things, like kill terrorists or vote for Donald Trump.

A recent study conducted by Anne DeLassio-Parson at Pennsylvania State University delved into “meat culture” in Argentina. Anyone who has had Argentinian Asado grilled meat can appreciate this culture. However, DeLassio-Parson concludes that eating meat in Argentina perpetuates “toxic masculinity” and that going vegetarian is a political act as much as it is a dietary lifestyle choice.

Dr. Attila Pohlmann, a researcher and vegetarian at the University of Hawaii at Manoa, agrees. Men eat meat, her research concludes, because it makes them feel more masculine. The approach was to threaten the masculinity of the test subjects and then offer them either a meat lovers pizza or a vegetarian pizza. Those men who were offered the meat pizza tended to have their anxieties lowered.

Why do people really eat meat?

Based on my own research, not to be published in any academic journal, but judging by people who have shown up at my barbecues, I have concluded that the real reason people eat meat is that it tastes good. The love of grilled burgers, pulled pork, or meat toppings on pizza cuts across gender, racial, and sexual preference lines. Anyone who says otherwise is denying science, in my humble opinion.