Imagine you are at a party and spot somebody you want to talk to, but they have no idea who you are. It doesn’t matter why you want to speak with them, you simply want to build a quick bridge of communication,

You walk up to them and, because you know a little about conversations, ask an open-ended question. Something like, “They did a really good job at decorating the place. I wonder where they got these decorations?”

The person answers, “I don’t know.” Then they don’t say anything else. The conversation is going to die. They will drift off and the connection will be broken.

So, you say, “It reminds me of the time I tried to throw a St. Paddy’s Day party and I ordered all of my decorations online to save twenty bucks. They all came the day after the party. It was a complete and utter disaster, but it made for some big laughs. A month later.”

The person you are speaking with will most probably have some type of emotional reaction. It doesn’t matter what the reaction is, as long as you get an emotional reaction, you can continue the conversation.

Success from failures

Con Artists are a predatory group of people and they have to do something that many people Find very difficult. They need to connect with people quickly and build a strong bond with them.

The best way to do this is to use a shared experience, but how do they know what shared experiences they have with a complete stranger?

Simple, we all share the experience of failure.

If there is one experience all humans share, it is failure. In fact, people have way more failures in life than they do successes. So, if you spot somebody you want to talk to, there is something you have in common with them- Failure.

You must also take this step

However, you can’t stop at the point of getting them to react to your quick story.

You must build upon it with another open-ended question. So, after you get them to respond to you, ask a question that requires a response. Something like (in our little example), “Have you known anybody do something dumber than that?”

This is essential because you are continuing the connection and most importantly, getting them to talk to you.

That is the number one trick of con artists, get the people to talk about themselves.

This part is easy because it is something that most people like to do; talk about themselves. Once you have built the connection though, you have the path to communication. So, continue on speaking with them.

The difference between you and a con artist

While con artists do this for illegal reasons, it doesn’t mean you are doing something deceptive when you use this tool. Your goal is to break the ice and build communication with the person. Regardless if you are looking to make a connection for business or date, it’s an effective approach to starting a conversation with a complete stranger.