Imagine if you had just found out yourwife has been going to a swingers club and letting other men and women kiss and touch her. She says she did it because she was bored and hasn't done anything wrong because she didn't have full sex with these guys or women. She's refused to stop doing it and says you are being a prude by not understanding. Are you? I spoke toTracey Cox - Psychologist who answered this question and some others about sexual relationships.
Tracey answers.
TRACEY SAYS: Let me think about this for a minute. Um, no. The word prude doesn't come screaming out at me, but the words dump her.
You're being prudish for minding that your wife lets other men and women touch her sexually? What planet is she on? This is totally unacceptable, disrespectful and out of line. Tell her what she did is unforgivable and if she was bored she should have tried to spice things up with you, not by adding other warm bodies into the mix. I don't often come right out and tell people to leave their relationships but in this case, I am. Unless she understands just how bad her behavior was, it's pointless staying.
What if you are scared of sex?
You write to your magazine guru - "I am divorced and have not had sex with anyone but my ex-husband for seven years. I am now ready to date again but what's stopping me is I'm too frightened to have sex.
The thought of stripping naked in front of someone other than him terrifies me."
What the expert says.
TRACEY SAYS: It terrifies you because you're imagining yourself having to do it quickly - probably around date three. Dropping your clothes to the floor to someone who is essentially a stranger would feel about as comfortable as going to pick up the kids from school starkers.
Take your time and refuse to be pressured into anything and when the time comes to get naked, you might be shy but you won't feel terrified. Once you find someone you like, you have all the time in the world to explore sex gently and take baby steps. Have sex when you feel ready - when you know, trust and feel comfortable enough to sleep with the person without being judged.
Also remember that unless you're planning on dating an 18-year- old, his body isn't going to be perfect either. It's hard to get back out there again if you're hurting. So don't push yourself until you're well and truly ready.
Are you worried he might be a virgin?
Usually,I'm the one saying no to sex but my new guy seriously seems to be avoiding it. It's just occurred to me he might be a virgin. Is there any way to tell?
Tracey on virgins.
TRACEY SAYS: There's no real way to tell if a woman has had intercourse, let alone a man. Despite those you-should-have-seen-the-sheets stories, exercise, gymnastics, tampons and natural erosion tend to do a mega-effective job of eroding hymens before D-day.
But there are certainly lots of clues he's not led a Peter Stringfellow type existence. First-time-ever men tend to ejaculate quicker. He's likely to leave it up to you to initiate intercourse and will almost certainly opt for the missionary position. If he confesses he was a virgin afterward, act surprised.
Is my hot chick a lesbian?
Ok - so youwrite this to your advisor - a few months ago, my girlfriend told me she was actually bisexual and also enjoyed sleeping with women. She asked if it was fine if she had the odd girly fling and I said it was OK but now she seems to have more fun having sex with girls than me. Is she bi-sexual or just too scared to admit she's gay?
Gay questions and Tracey's advice.
TRACEY SAYS: Us women are aroused by more than just what we see. Personality, loyalty, intelligence, kindness - they're also taken into account. We look at potential partners as people and this makes us more likely to fall for the person, rather than the gender. I'd stop trying to work out what she is and try to find out what she's getting from the women that she's not getting from you. Then try to provide it, if you can.
