Jamie Dornan (Christian Grey) and Dakota Johnson (Anastasia Steele) reprised their roles in the erotic adaptation of E.L. James' kinky romance trilogy. Unfortunately, not even the allure of Valentine’s Day is enough to save the final installment of the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise from ridicule.
The movie begins with the duo in the throes of wedded bliss on the Cote D’Azur, where they delight in their ritzy lifestyle — which we only see snippets of — and copious amounts of BDSM action. But the realities of married life soon set in. Back in Seattle, Ana seeks to resume her publishing career and wants to start a family.
However, Christian is displeased since a rattle is not the kind of toy he would ever entertain.
Christian and Ana’s sexual encounters have all the zest of a tepid bottle of water. Which is vexing since they’re both easy on the eyes. How can two sexy people be so unsexy?
Ana’s meteoric rise
Somewhere between the endless sexual innuendos and mind-numbing boredom, Ana’s former boss Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson) re-enters the picture — and he seems to have lost all semblance of sanity in his quest for revenge against the couple. He kidnaps Christian’s sister, Mia, and forces Ana to bring a ransom. But I just couldn’t focus on poor Mia’s rescue because I was still trying to make sense of how a recent college graduate got promoted to Acquisitions Editor while on her honeymoon.
What’s more, we barely see Ana at work. The few times she’s in the office, Christian shows up and demands to whisk her off to Aspen or some other persnickety locale for the rich and famous.
Now back to Jack, how does a lowly publishing editor afford the technology to penetrate Christian’s top-of-the-line security system and nearly kidnap Ana?
That’s just one of many questions ‘Fifty Shades Freed’ leaves unanswered.
'You own this?'
Although we’re given a more in-depth look into Christian’s tumultuous past — which I admit does garner some empathy — Dornan's performance remains bionic at best. The most expressive facet about Mr. Grey is his incessant brooding.
As for Ana, she spews far too many incredulous statements for my liking.
Why isn’t she aware her billionaire husband owns a plane after this long? Why is she still in disbelief that he would buy her a lavish house? She really should have left that wide-eyed Bambi act in the first film — where it belongs.
‘Fifty Shades Freed’ is out in theaters as of February 9.
