Melania Trump’s back in the news, and not about any newly leaked old nude pictures. Sorry, men. She’s also not recreating them by popular demand. But it’s because of those pictures Melania’s rebuking a news agency for defaming her character (although when you take your clothes off for money, even if you’re hot and especially if you’re famous, you’re basically mass Emailing the invite to your own defamation).Melania’s probably the only potential First Lady who not only posed nude, but now must defend herself against the slur because she didn’t perform the job that it implies, according to her interpretation of her life.

First Ladies and potential First Ladies (and even former ones) get called insulting things just like their husbands do. But usually it’s because they’ve done what the insult says or are the thing the insult categorizes. For example, everybody calls former First Lady Hillary Clinton a liar because she is a liar and does, in fact lie. But we can’t say the same thing for Melania with this one—or go all the way with this insult if you see her actions her way.

Helping Melania Trump understand the insult

The language discrepancies that led to the insult one aid of Melania broke down for her. While it took about 3 hours, 2 days, and 1 month, more patience from that aid than a mother raising 14 three-month-old babies and 8 puppies at once, and rewards of lollipops for Melania, it finally dawned on Melania that the words were insults outside of her perception.

To get her light bulb moment, the aid used some strange communicative cross teaching method including the Braille System, crayons, alphabet letter flashcards, chocolate sprinkles and first grade phonics to break things down for Melania. Then he mixed in pretty rainbow video colors and songs from YouTube so she’d pay attention (social media works wonders when you need to get the Trumps interested).

The lollipop rewards occurred each time a bell rang followed by a pause. This would trigger Melania to have an idea, get a reward, and then forget it all two seconds later. With some positive reinforcement and a heck of a lot of time, they “Pavloved” the realization into her. Donald Trump monitored the progression while grasping his camera and for some reason he kept salivating every time the bell rang.

Filing suit against Media Inc., the Daily Mail Online

Melania Trump filed suit against Media Inc., which publishes the Daily Mail Online, afterwards. Although the categorical difference between what Melania did in her previous career and what their insult implies is a large leap, Melania insists it’s an absolute lie. Sure, she married some rich, old guy for money and is too pretty for him so most people know what he gets in return—and yes she modeled in the nude--but that doesn’t make her one of those “escort” type people. After all, an escort is not a nude model. Well, not all the time anyway. Only sometimes. I think.

After all, while she was naked and sold herself in a photoshoot, she didn’t sell herself like a female escort does with physical contact with a man during that photoshoot.

It was a woman, after all, in those types of pictures! We’ve got body selling variety in this fine capitalistic nation, after all. So Daily Mail Online, get your facts straight before Trump starts “Pavloving” your perceptions into you as part of the damages he’ll demand once he buys this lawsuit win.

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