So what’s all this uproar about a possible First Lady having posed nude for pictures something like twenty years ago? I mean, really, it’s not like it’s a first or anything for America to see nudie pictures of somebody famous from the past came back to haunt them.

But in another way, it kind of is a first. It’s very much a first for a possible First Lady of the United States. And what a commendable precedent to set for the rest of the potential First Ladies that might follow her, right? Because that’s what American wants to remember about its First Ladies—nudie pictures. Thank you, Melania Trump, for objectifying yourself to further promote the objectification of women and being the first potential First Lady to literally show up to a meeting in her birthday suit without it being some sort of bad dream.

And also thank you, because now all I can think about whenever I see you on television is the phrase, “nudie pictures.”

Melania Trump’s twenty-year-old nudity could distract progress

After all, what do you think all of those foreign ministers are going to think when they see Mrs. Trump and she’s representing our country at important functions? Nudie pictures. In fact, they may not get a darn thing done at any of those meetings, those men are going to be so distracted by their thoughts—that’s what nudie pictures of a pretty woman do to men, after all. And no matter what country some man heads, he’s still a man, and all he is going to be able to think about looking at her is nudie pictures.

While Hillary Clinton’s trying to become the first female president in the other camp, in Donald Trump’s camp we’ve got the first naked First Lady selling her looks for cash.

Now that’s materialism and the American Dream, folks. Apparently Donald Trump doesn’t mind sharing her goods—or the goods he gets to see—as if he gets to laugh at others for what a good thing he’s got with a good-looking wife.

We all get to see the good on Trump’s wife

But in reality, it’s not just him that is getting to see those goods anymore, right?

I mean, now the whole world’s got their hands on them, twenty years old or not. And since Donald Trump clearly doesn’t think ahead enough to care about, well, anything, he’s not thinking about how much, if he becomes President, all the other world leaders are going to be checking out his wife and de-clothing her in their heads. And so, I guess this is how the Trumps promote respect for women, which is clearly an odd way of going about it.

Because all people are ever really going to be able to think about now when they see her is—that’s right—nudie pictures.

So if you’re a man, this is not really a bad thing to be thinking about. But when you’re a woman, it sort of makes you want to turn your mind off and wonder how the first naked First Lady is going to help represent the rest of us American women to the world.

You know what, don’t answer that last thought. I already know the answer and I just don’t want to hear it again. The answer is nudie pictures, right?

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