Evasive from press conferences for nearly a year (244 days), Hillary Clinton held her first press conference since Chevy Chase headlined a hit movie and Bill Clinton was relevant. What was her strategy? Why did it take her so long? And what was her message during the press conference?

Clinton’s strategy

Hillary Clinton started out with a lot of statements that sounded fantastic and seemed to promise the press she was going to clear things up. Her desire to promote clarity seemed genuine when she said: “you ought to tell the voters of America what you would do as president.” After saying all that, Clinton must have meant it only as an ill-timed April Fool’s joke, because she was really about as vague with her language as any American would be forming a phrase without coffee.

Either she skipped Starbucks, can’t understand basic questions regular voters can understand, or what’s more likely, she’s thinking, “you jerk wad, you know I don’t want to talk about that question, and you had to ask!” So she weaseled out of the question.

During Hillary Clinton’s press conference, her answers can be broken down into something like this:

  1. A direct question everybody who is anybody can understand is clearly stated to Clinton. Her weasel response starts with: “Well, that’s not really the problem at hand, here’s the real problem…” or “We’re still working on that one, but I can tell you about...” or whatever BS “I don’t want to answer that question so I’m going to change the subject and tell you what I want to talk about” lame-brained transitional hook Clinton can use to guide us to change the subject
  2. After Clinton’s weaseling connective is used, she’s talking about what she wants to talk about. By the time Clinton’s done, you’re wondering if somebody is crowning her the Supreme Mistress of Weaseltown, or if some confetti is falling down from the ceiling once this charade is done.
  3. You’d think somebody in the press would speak up and say, “Hey, crazy lady, that didn’t answer the question at all,” but they don’t. They know if they ask it again, Clinton’s just going to do again in a different way, so they don’t ask again.

Honestly, Clinton was so forthright at the beginning about being clear, and followed that up by being as indirect as possible, I half expected Melania Trump to jump out of a cake or something and shout out, “Just kidding, folks!

Happy something like April Fools!”

Why did Hillary Clinton put this off?

Clinton put off the press conference because she could; she doesn’t like them and she isn’t good at them. It’s clear Clinton doesn’t enjoy answering direct questions from the press. She’ll do whatever it takes to make us all realize that by doing press conferences with her, nothing gets accomplished, and everybody just wastes their time, so hopefully the press will give up on her.

That way, she never has to do one again. You know, it’s not like there are sort of mandatory press conferences at the White House and the President never has to say anything at them from time to time. Good luck putting those off if you’re President, Hillary. I feel sorry for the press already if she winds up being the President they have to get answers from.

Hillary Clinton’s message

“America is better than Donald Trump,” was her message.

You know, I’ll take that since I don’t like either candidate, but we’re also better than a candidate that can’t answer a single direct question put to Clinton. Because what if somebody ever had to ask her a direct question if or when she is President, and it was about something really important? It’s not like Presidents ever have to answer important questions. Is it going to require the asker to learn sign language and Latin or something to get this woman to answer a question? Maybe blackmail is involved if you want an honest answer form Clinton, I don’t know.

Whatever the solution is to get a real answer to a question from Hillary Clinton during a conference like this is, I don’t think we’ve quite found the remedy yet.

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