You’ve seen them around your city, mammals, typically under 5-feet, 3-inches tall, walking upright on two legs, the female with a full head of gray hair and the male most likely with no hair except for the long flowing curls coming out of his ears and nose.

They’re everywhere

They are holding up the line at Starbucks while they wait for an answer to their question, “What the hell is a Venti Coconut Milk Mocha Macchiato and is that even coffee?”

They’re at the express checkout at the grocery store paying for a six-pack of Ensure, a bottle of generic cabernet and two cans of Chef Boyardee spaghetti and meatballs with $9.47 in change.And there they are again in their 2005 Buick Lacerne parked in front of you at the intersection when you’re late for work, sitting there day-dreaming about their trip to Ireland that apparently has been triggered by the emerald-green color of the traffic signal hanging in front of them.

They’re so cute

Senior Citizens, those glorious cute people who you wish would just stay out of your way.Well, bet you didn’t know that on August 19, 1988, when U.S. President Ronald Reagan was already 77 years old, he declared by proclamation that August 21 be National Senior Citizen Day.

In recognition

Reagan decided we needed a day to recognize senior citizens (“old farts” apparently is also no longer a politically correct term) “For all they have achieved throughout life and for all they continue to accomplish.”


So try, at least on this coming August 21, to not sigh, yell or scream at those senior citizens holding up the line in Starbucks; they probably won’t hear you anyway.And as they dig through their pockets and purses pulling out pennies, nickels and dimes trying to get exact change for their purchase, look at it as a medical experiment to see how high you can raise your own blood pressure without passing out.

Also, when you’ve been laying on your car’s horn for two minutes trying to get them to move and are tempted to rear end the semi-conscience senior in the Buick blocking traffic, remember that someday you’ll be old too and it’ll be your turn to live an existence whose only purpose is to piss people off and then head to the bar for happy hour to share stories with your friends about all the millennials you screwed today.

Happy National Senior Citizen Day, everyone!

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