When I was young my parents parted ways after many tears and issues surrounding alcoholism and matters of the heart. This led to lots of developmental blessings on my end. I've been called an "old soul" or mature more times then I could probably recall starting at adolescence. But in my adult life it has become a double edged sword. On one end I have immense understanding of many adult issues and struggles, like financial stability, responsibility, love, and self-care/preservation; on the other I have crippling #Separation anxiety tied to the very events that accelerated my development.

Keeping it together

It takes a lot of work to stop your world from #Falling apart when your subconscious mind tells you it is.

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Little things like ignored text messages, emails, or disrupted and cancelled plans send you into this bottomless spiral. You continue to go about your daily existence as if everything is fine but inside your throats on fire and your mind is rushing with self-doubt and deprecation. ("Did you irritate them? I'm just annoying, I should just stop bothering people, Is just easier if I don't go out next time, I'm invited but they don't really want me there.") These thoughts suffocate your mind as you try to do your daily activities. You just want to scream and or cry but you can't; your eyes well up and nothing comes out.

Helping Others

You're always the first to help others because it is always easier to use your knowledge to help others then to apply them to your own messed up life. It isn't that we don't want to take our own advice, it's that all those bad things are stronger, until they're not.

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Those times in which the voices get drowned out by your own will, to be better, are few and far between.

You listen to your friends problems and help them in any way you can. It's a diversion from your own issues and it works for the time being. I wish I could say it gets easier but that would be a lie, or at least I haven't gotten there yet. Though surrounding yourself with people who truly care about you and forcing myself to go out and engage always help alleviate some of the pressure. It isn't a cure all, but it's a productive way to tackle the issues when they arise.

After Thoughts

#Life In Pieces is a labor of love, trying to find the balance between anonymity and honesty is difficult. I hope all who read this find some solace in my ramblings, and find it either helpful or relatable. Keep posted I'll be teetering between sarcastic commentary and the more chaotic and deeper thoughts and nuances that live in my head.