In light of what many call, “The War on Christmas,” it seemed rather amusing to take the notion one step further and imagine what some famous people may be doing on this #Thanksgiving. After all, with the word “Christmas” being all but absent in Black Friday “super sales” and even Starbucks taking the merriment out of “holiday” cups, it seems that the only holiday that is still allowed is Thanksgiving. Sure, some PETA freak is going to complain about the consumption of #Turkey meat, someone is going to be William S. Burroughs and bring up exploited tribes (even though the tribes were killing each other long before white men arrived who, sadly, also killed), and don't even think about saying the name, “Jesus”. With that in mind, lets take a parody ridden look at what some famous people are likely doing this Thanksgiving day.
Donald Trump on Thanksgiving
For instance, Donald Trump on Thanksgiving confused the official pardon of a turkey with the promotion of a turkey and thus, Mitt Romney was seen entering Trump Tower for a rumored cabinet gig discussion. Meanwhile, his wife Melania, with 30 years experience in modeling and fashion, was explaining to the media why she doesn't need some turkey with 10 years in modeling and fashion to dress her in the morning.
Michel Moore was seen thanking God for....um.....well.....
Drake was seen kneeling, head bowed to the heavens, giving thanks that Americans are too dumbed down to know anything about diction, music theory, or talent this Thanksgiving just as the band Nickelback were #thankful for the miracle that was their career, since it never should have happened.
The Walking Thankful
AMC executives were seen spending Thanksgiving day giving ample thanks that the writers of “The Walking Dead” decided to leave anyone alive in the series at all. This was happening at the same time that every “Harry Potter” fan the world over was so thankful that Hollywood is releasing “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them” instead of, “Harry Potter Part 640”. Now if only Tim Burton would stop making “Alice in Wonderland” movies that suck, we all could be thankful.
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers were seen with Michael Moore giving thanks for...um.....
The Cleveland Browns were photographed this Thanksgiving being grateful that they were at least not Tampa Bay at the same time that the Cleveland Indians were joyful that they managed not to lose the World Series on an error, like last time. While on the topic of sports, after this past season, the Minnesota Twins mentioned that they would be thankful if the lady who left her kids on the baseball field would come and get them because they are beating the Twins 5-0.
Friends of Dick Cheney were giving thanks that as of this writing, he will not be hunting after Thanksgiving dinner. Hillary Clinton is happy that Trump had his orange jumpsuits made in China because since he is cutting outsourcing, there may nothing for her to wear. After all, if the prison garb doesn't fit, you must acquit! Chris Christie was seen giving his show of thanksgiving by petting the pardoned presidential turkey, but for reasons unknown, he approached the cage and the animal died of a heart attack. More on this as it develops.
This Thanksgiving also saw Nintendo executives hailing the heavens that since they ran out of ideas for new game systems that their old cartridge systems are in more demand than Anthony Wiener stories. As a matter of fact, not since Clinton toured the speaking circuit has an outdated model been so in demand. Perhaps Huma can suggest storing those emails on an NES.
It is rumored that Harry Ried's wife will not be renewing her membership in the boxing club to which he was most thankful for. Sadly, Mrs. Tiger Woods is renewing hers, thus leading to no sighting this Thanksgiving of Tiger. Lastly, the American people are thankful to be saving money via Trump since the White House gardener will also be covering the duties of barber, who's job was cut.