It's never fun to be the victim of someone who has narcissistic personality disorder. After all of the heartache, turmoil, and gas-lighting, you’ve decided to call it quits – for good! Or perhaps you’re at the stage when you've realized that you can no longer be with this person, and you’re wondering if it would be best to keep them in your life as a friend. You've resolved that maybe, they won’t be able to have such a harmful and destructive effect on you if you manage to keep him or her at a distance. In reality, narcissists simply do not respect boundaries.
They will not respect the fact that you want to create space for yourself and will, therefore, try to squeeze their way closer and closer back to you.
Narcissistic supply
An important thing to note is that narcissists use others to give them the energy that they need. You were not invited into the Narcissist’s life because they found you to be such a wonderful person. You serve as primarily as a source of supply – a means of getting the fix they so desperately need. If you choose to keep the narcissist in your life even at a distance, you will be poked and prodded until you give them what they need. The whole point of breaking up and going ‘no contact’ with a narcissist is to cut off the supply and to restore the energy that has been stolen from you for so long.
For example, Anna left her boyfriend after 5 years of narcissistic and emotional abuse. She felt guilty about leaving him and cutting off all communication. So, to soften the blow, she told him that they could still be friends, and she remained as his friend on Facebook. Just hours later on Facebook, her ex-boyfriend posts a picture of him with another woman having a great time together, calling her ‘the love of his life’.
This deeply hurt Anna, which was exactly what her ex wanted to achieve.
The mind of a narcissist
If you’ve been together with a narcissist, you can confirm that the one you call ‘beloved’ can be charming and loving one minute, and hateful and devious the next. This person believes that the world revolves around him or her, and is never able to take criticism even when they dish it out so generously!
The narcissist craves attention and believes that the world should treat them as though they are special and unique.
In their mind, the rules don’t apply to them. They will not leave you alone after you’ve decided to break up with them. Even when they have discarded you, never forget that they are in fact keeping tabs on you, looking for an opportunity to get a reaction or response from you.
Raising children together
It’s always a relief to say goodbye to someone who has been abusive and manipulating, however, the situation is not as simple when you have children together. Co-parenting can be a serious challenge when the narcissist will try to execute the same power and control over you as they had in the relationship, and that includes using the children to do so.
Knowing this, it never hurts to be cordial for the sake of your children, however, it should not serve as a reason to be all friends and ‘lovey-dovey’ with this person.
Moving forward
At the end of the day, it is in your best interest to understand that narcissists get a high from wreaking havoc in their victims’ lives. If you’ve caused them narcissistic injury, there will be hell to pay, even after they have hoovered you back into their web of lies and destruction. Instead, choose to be smart. You do not have to give these monsters the time of day. They will seek to hurt you whether you are with them or not, and the only way to break the cycle is to stop making yourself emotionally available to them.
